“My Kid is a 6/7’: What That Really Means When You’re Parenting a PDA Child”
What if ‘rude’ behaviour isn’t disrespect but regulation?
“Behaviour is communication. Even when it makes adults feel uncomfortable.”
He’s 7. He’s PDA. And Apparently, He’s a 6/7 Now.
My son turned 7, and in true PDA fashion, he celebrated by discovering that his middle finger works brilliantly as a nervous-system fist pump.
Not to be rude.
Not to be defiant.
Not to shock your nan (though… collateral damage happens).
But because his nervous system needed a release.
Welcome to parenting a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) where behaviour is communication, swearing is regulation, and nothing means what neurotypical parenting books tell you it means.
The Birthday Milestone Nobody Warns You About
At 7, expectations ramp up.
More rules.
More social pressure.
More “you should know better by now”.
And for a PDA child? That’s like turning the volume up on an already overloaded nervous system.
So when my son flicks the V’s or drops a swear word with the confidence of a Love Island contestant, what he’s actually saying is:
“I’m overwhelmed. I need control. My body is on fire.”
That finger?
It’s not aggression.
It’s adrenaline regulation.
“Regulation doesn’t always look polite, it looks effective”
Why PDA Kids Use Swearing (and Gestures) as a Nervous-System Fist Pump
Here’s the bit people hate hearing, but need to:
Swearing and rude gestures work for PDA kids.
They:
Create an instant surge of adrenaline
Restore a sense of control
Discharge internal pressure
Cut through overwhelm fast
For a PDA nervous system, that rush is grounding.
It’s the same reason adults shout, slam doors, or swear under their breath when stressed.
Your child just hasn’t learned the socially acceptable versions yet and PDA brains don’t respond to “because I said so”.
So no, they’re not trying to be naughty.
They’re self-regulating with the tools available.
Messy tools.
Socially inconvenient tools.
But effective ones.
What It Actually Means (Not What People Think)
It does not mean:
You’re a bad parent
Your child has no respect
You’ve “let it go too far”
They’re destined for prison
It does mean:
Their nervous system is dysregulated
Demands feel like threats
Control feels like safety
They need co-regulation, not consequences
If punishment worked, PDA wouldn’t exist.
So What Do You Do About It? (Without Losing Your Mind)
Here’s the straight-talking PDA version:
1. Don’t React Like It’s a Moral Crime
Big reactions = big nervous system payoff.
You escalate it, you reinforce it.
Neutral. Boring. Low-energy response.
2. Separate Regulation From Teaching
In the moment? Let it pass.
Later when calm you can gently model alternatives.
Not lectures. Not shame.
Just options.
3. Give Them Safer Fist Pumps
Swearing meets a need. Replace the function, not just the behaviour.
Physical movement
Silly noises
Private code words
Squeezing, pushing, stomping
Humour (PDA kids thrive on it)
4. Protect Them From Public Shaming
Correcting PDA kids publicly backfires.
Hard.
Support first. Educate later.
Other adults’ opinions are not more important than your child’s nervous system.
The Truth Nobody Puts on Instagram
My son isn’t rude.
He’s regulated five seconds after flipping the bird.
And honestly?
That tells me everything I need to know.
He’s surviving a world that constantly demands compliance from a brain wired for autonomy.
So yes.
He’s 7.
He’s PDA.
He’s absolutely on trend 6/7 with the middle finger deployed as a nervous system first responder.
And he’s doing the best he can with a nervous system that never switches off.
So am I.
And if you’re reading this thinking, “Oh thank God, it’s not just my kid”
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Love,
Diane x
PS: Still figuring it out, still winging it. Still quietly admiring how my son’s middle finger takes aim at the current 6/7’ trend.