From Chaos to Calm: 5 Ways to Beat Back-to-School Anxiety.
“The school run: a daily reminder that parenting is beautiful, exhausting, and never predictable.”
Back-to-School Anxiety: Confessions of a Midlife Mother on the Edge.
Two weeks until school starts, and while my son is happily conducting a summer symphony of Lego explosions, biscuit crumbs, and endless animal fact trivia, I’m quietly spiraling. Yes, I’m worried about academics. Yes, I’m bracing for another round with an inadequate behaviour policy that does nothing for his ADHD. And yes, the new SENCO and the looming support-meeting battles are already haunting my calendar. But if I’m honest? My biggest fear is far less official. It’s the school run itself—the morning gauntlet. The Breakfast–Dressing–Shoes–Jumper–Find-The-Thing Hunger Games that manages to break me, every single time, before 8:30 a.m.
Picture it: I’m shoveling toast into my mouth while begging him to just eat something. Meanwhile, he’s conducting a full forensic investigation into why today’s jumper “feels funny” (translation: sensory hell, we need a different one, but not that one, obviously, because that’s “scratchy death fabric”). By now, I’m sweating through my so-called “activewear” (read: pajamas with aspirations).
Then comes the “dopamine dash”: the mad, time-bending scavenger hunt for some utterly crucial personal item that he hasn’t looked at in six months but must take today or all is lost. A rock. A Lego head. A half-chewed fidget toy. Cue me ransacking the sofa cushions like a detective in a crime drama, except the only thing at stake is whether we make it to school without both of us crying.
Finally, we burst out the front door in what can only be described as a time-pressured firework: me clutching coffee like an IV drip, him brandishing his mystery object like treasure. The neighbours look on politely, pretending not to hear the heated negotiations about whether a jumper or coat is actually necessary on these cooler mornings. My six-year-old is adamant: absolutely not, and under no circumstances will he carry one “just in case.” Cue loud protest. Fast forward five minutes and naturally we hit the end of the road only for him to freeze mid-step, stage a dramatic standstill, and demand we turn back for the very same jumper or coat that was so heroically rejected. By the time we reach the school gate, I look less like a responsible adult and more like a woman auditioning for a role in “Exhausted Parent: The Musical.”
I know, mostly, that I’ve done my best to fill his dopamine cup to the brim before sending him in but still I find myself staggering away from the school gate, fighting back tears over the things I can’t control. Will his new teacher remember to give him six reminders instead of three, like his support plan says? Or will he be sent out of class, handed a consequence for something he literally has no control over?
To help my ever-growing anxiety, I’ve decided to channel my midlife nerves into something resembling wisdom (with a generous side of sarcasm). The truth is, the only way I stand a chance of surviving the PDA obstacle course of emotions, the refusals, the negotiations, the last-minute curveballs is by planning ahead. Not in a Pinterest-perfect, color-coded-calendar kind of way (I gave up that fantasy years ago), but in a “stack the odds in my favour” way: laying out clothes that might pass the sensory test, stash emergency snacks, and having a backup jumper ready for the inevitable U-turn. It doesn’t erase the chaos, but it softens the daily assault course just enough that we both make it out the door with slightly fewer battle scars.
“Negotiations over toast, socks, and life choices are still ongoing.”
5 Easy Tips to Tackle Back-to-School Anxiety (for Parents and Kids)
1. Start the School Routine Early
No, you don’t have to leap out of bed at 6am tomorrow, but nudging bedtime back to something reasonable before the first day helps everyone. Think of it as training your kids for a marathon… except the marathon is getting dressed before 8:30am without screaming.
2. Practice the School Run (Without Tears)
If your child or you feels anxious, do a trial run. Walk or drive to school, wave at the gate, then casually head to the coffee shop like you’ve just climbed Everest. This tricks your brain into thinking, See? We survived. And look, caffeine! Adding dopamine onto any perceived battle increases my chance of success.
3. Talk About EVERYTHING (Not Just the fun bits)
It might be tempting to focus only on the shiny, positive bits of going back to school, the new pencil case, seeing friends again, the relief of routine but it’s just as important to make space for all of it. Not just the fun bits, but the wobbles, the worries, and the “I don’t want to” moments too. Giving your child a voice in the whole experience helps them feel seen. For example, you mentioned before that you were worried about having a shouty teacher. How do you feel about that now? Opening up these conversations gives them room to share the highs and the hard parts and shows them it’s okay to carry both at once. I highly recommend doing this after feeding them after school snacks or an alternative calm demanding less moment.
4. Prep Like a Ninja (a Sleep-Deprived Ninja)
Label the clothes, pack the bag, and locate the missing shoe before the big day. Future You will thank Present You when you’re not ransacking the house at 8:27am yelling, “WHERE IS YOUR WATER BOTTLE?!”
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Back-to-school isn’t just a transition for kids, it’s for us, too. If you cry a little after drop-off, it’s fine. If you celebrate with a pastry, it’s also fine (highly recommended, actually). Your nerves are proof you care. And remember by the second week, you’ll be a school-run pro again.
Final Thought: Back-to-school anxiety is real, but it doesn’t have to consume you. Take it one packed lunch, one shoe, and one deep breath at a time. And if all else fails, there’s always coffee.
While everyone else seems to be aiming for picture-perfect back-to-school photos, some of us are quietly fighting our own morning battles, just trying to get out the door on time, with the right uniform, the right shoes, and maybe even a full breakfast eaten. And you know what? That’s more than enough. Don’t be afraid to just do you. Celebrate the small victories, the jumper actually worn, the lunchbox remembered, the smile (even if it’s half-asleep). These little wins are what make it through the school run, and they matter. So breathe, laugh at the chaos, and remember: surviving the morning is already a triumph worth cheering.
If you’ve ever found yourself negotiating with a six-year-old over jumpers, shoes, or the urgent need to bring a random Lego head to school—and survived to tell the tale—you’ll know it takes caffeine (and nerves of steel). If this post on back-to-school anxiety gave you a laugh, a sigh of relief, or just made you feel a little less alone, you can fuel my next chaotic school run rant by buying me a coffee. ☕✨
Love surviving this madness with me? Click the button below to buy me a coffee and help fund a new laptop, so I can keep documenting the chaos, one school run (and meltdown) at a time.
Love,
Diane x
PS: Still figuring it out, still winging it. Still mildly traumatised from the time my son sat on the floor in protest, after refusing to walk to Nursery to have his photograph taken. But hey, we’re doing our best! And that’s enough for me.