How to Prepare for Your First SEN Support Plan Meeting (Parent’s Guide).
“From this day forward, I would need to educate alongside advocate for my son’s needs.”
How I Prepared for My First Support Plan Meeting (and the Questions Every Parent Should Ask)
In July, before my son even started Reception in September, I initiated our first support plan meeting. I didn’t want to wait until he was struggling — I wanted to get ahead. The meeting was set with his class teacher and the SENCO, and I came armed with two lists: one of behaviours and concerns I had about his transition, and another of strategies that already helped at home.
I didn’t want to sit in this meeting and be told, “Okay, we’ll monitor it.” We all know that’s often code for nothing will actually happen this side of half term… maybe even the whole term if you’re unlucky. My child needed support from the very start, not weeks (or months) down the line. And that meant I had to step up and advocate for him—no mean feat when you’ve spent most of your life people-pleasing, with “No” only just becoming part of your vocabulary.
The SENCO opened warmly, asking me: “Tell us about your child at home.” But instead of diving in, I felt I needed to know where to pitch this meeting first. So I gently redirected. “Before we get onto that, I have a few questions of my own.”
I asked her how long she had worked at the school. “20 years.”
Next, I asked how many children currently on the SEN register had suspected or diagnosed ADHD. “Thirteen.” Finally, I asked what specific ADHD training had been provided to staff in those 20 years.
That’s when it happened.
The look.
The class teacher glanced at the SENCO.
Silence.
The SENCO looked back.
More silence.
It was the kind of silence that says more than any words could. In that moment, I knew I’d been quietly labelled as that parent.
I took a breath, pulled up my big girl pants, let go of the people-pleaser version of me, and began chairing the meeting.
Eventually, the SENCO mumbled something about generic SEN training and “a termly session,” before admitting that, actually, there had been no ADHD-specific training at all. Just an A4 handout passed around.
And with that, my fears were confirmed: if my son’s needs were going to be met, I would have to lead these meetings. I would need to educate and advocate for him. Calm on the outside but anxious inside, I realised that preparation and knowledge weren’t optional—they were everything.
Why Preparation Matters
Support plan meetings can feel intimidating. Schools are busy, policies are complex, and often parents are made to feel like “just the parent.” But the truth is, you are the expert on your child. Going in prepared not only gives you confidence, but it also sets the tone: your child’s needs matter, and you will advocate for them.
“Knowledge about your child’s needs is EVERYTHING”
5 Tips to Prepare for Your First Support Plan Meeting
1. Bring Notes (Lots of Them)
Write down your concerns, behaviours you’ve noticed, and strategies that work. In the moment, nerves can make your mind go blank — your list will anchor you.
2. Research the School’s SEN Provision
Don’t be afraid to ask anything. Find out how experienced the SENCO is, how many children are on the register, and what resources are available. This context helps you ask informed questions.
3. Ask About Training
Don’t be afraid to ask directly: What training have staff had for ADHD, autism, or your child’s specific needs? This shows where gaps may be and opens the door to push for more. And if I am being really honest. It is very telling about where the school’s values and priorities are in relation to supporting children with any SEN need.
4. Stay Calm, Even When It’s Awkward
Silence can be uncomfortable, but it can also be powerful. If you don’t get a straight answer, wait. Repeat the question if needed. You are allowed to expect clarity. Let go of the need to be agreeable or to fill the silence.
5. Position Yourself as a Partner, Not the PROBLEM.
Show you’re not just there to listen—you’re there to collaborate and, when necessary, to lead. Teachers may see your child in the classroom, but you see the whole picture. You are the expert on your child. They may have a degree and teaching experience, but they are not more educated than you when it comes to supporting your child. You’ve already got years of lived experience—four years of supporting, adapting, and navigating your child’s needs day in and day out. That makes you knowledgeable. That makes you a partner in the process. Not the problem.
Final Thought: You are not “just” a parent in these meetings. You’re your child’s advocate, and your voice matters.
Walking into your first support plan meeting can feel overwhelming, but remember this: preparation is power. The more informed and confident you are, the more seriously you’ll be taken. And even if the answers you hear aren’t reassuring, your presence, persistence, and advocacy can change the path ahead.
Your child deserves support. You are the one who can make sure they get it.
If you’ve ever walked into a support plan meeting clutching your notes, heart racing, and already rehearsing how you’ll respond when someone says, “We’ll just monitor it for now,” then you know it takes more than caffeine. It takes courage. Because here’s the truth: you’re not there to nod along politely. You’re not there to be “handled.” You’re there to collaborate, and if necessary, to lead. So if this article resonates—if it made you feel seen, gave you a nudge of courage, or just a sigh of relief—then you can fuel my next piece (and my next showdown with a school gate meeting) by buying me a coffee. ☕✨
Love surviving this madness with me? Click the button below to buy me a coffee and help fund a new laptop, so I can keep documenting the chaos, one school run (and meltdown) at a time.
Love,
Diane x
PS: Still figuring it out, still winging it. Still mildly traumatised from the time my son’s Reception teacher looked me in the eye and said, I haven’t seen any evidence of the behaviour concerns you have described. But hey, we’re doing our best! And that’s enough for me.