“Feeling Lost in Midlife? Here’s How I Found Myself Again (While Crying into Cold Coffee)”
Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered where she went? The woman you used to be before life got so heavy?
“Midlife often holds up a mirror, not just to who we are, but to everything we’ve lost, questioned, or outgrown.”
Somewhere between the school run, the forgotten anniversaries, the heavy sighs, and the morning tears that fell on my pillow…I lost her.
Me.
I didn’t notice at first. Life just happened. One minute I was achieving everything on the five-year plan, the next I was resigning from my teaching career. Before I knew it, my needs didn’t make the mental load to do list. Poof! They were gone, along with my identity.
I became Mrs Clipboard! The organiser, the cleaner, the meltdown regulator. The invisible emotional sponge, the everything for everyone. Except me. I was invisible and my existence became a silent warrior for my son’s needs and Paw Patrol on repeat.
And if you’re reading this, maybe you’re feeling it too?
You’re Not the Only One Asking: “Is This It?”
I used to think it was just me. That I was the only woman who felt invisible. Like I’d been erased by motherhood and the constant emotional labour of holding it all together. I still love my family, my husband and my kids, very deeply. But I couldn’t find the person I used to be beneath the exhaustion, the invisible mentalload, and endless responsibilities. My spark felt suffocated behind fake smiles that didn’t reach my eyes and the dreaded question, “So, is Di working now?” Because scrubbing the bathroom and advocating for sensory breaks and a support plan didn’t qualify for paid employment or suitable social small talk!
Midlife was supposed to feel like a welcome home party, not a scavenger hunt for matching socks and a five-minute uninterrupted shower. Aren’t I supposed to have my sh#t together by now and a suitable retirement fund? But instead, I feel like I have taken a detour somewhere between completely burnt out and just surviving.
“When you’re barely keeping your head above water, midlife can feel like waves of uncertainty.”
The Invisible Weight No One Talks About
People say:
“You’re lucky to be at home.”
“What do you do all day.”
“You should be grateful.”
But they don’t see the:
Isolation and loneliness
Emotional overwhelm
The invisible level of expectancy
The constant self-doubt and loss of identity.
If you’ve been told “it could be worse” or “that’s not a bad thing, though” when you speak up…If you’ve had to hide your breakdowns just to keep the peace…if you’re the one managing meltdowns while quietly having your own…
Then this space is for YOU.
3 Gentle Steps to Start Finding Yourself Again
You don’t need to overhaul your life. You just need to come home to you. Here’s how I started:
1. Name What Hurts
Stop minimising your feelings. If you feel neglected, exhausted, lonely, that’s real! Your feelings are not overreactions. They are information.
2. Make Mirco Moments Yours
I started with five-minute rituals. Music while I cleaned. Coffee alone in Costa. Journaling a single honest sentence. Not to be productive, but to be me again, even briefly.
3. Connect With Someone Who Gets It
This blog is my lifeline and maybe yours too. You don’t have to carry it all silently anymore.
You Deserve to Be Seen Again!
This space isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about being real, even when it’s messy.
So if you’re:
Worn down from holding everyone else up
Quietly questioning your marriage or relationship
Parenting a child who needs everything you don’t have to give
Longing to feel alive again
Or haven’t figured out your next steps yet…
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you’re still in there, waiting to be discovered.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing this part of my journey. If you’d like to support my writing and help keep these stories coming, you can buy me a coffee…It really means alot.
Real talk: Tell me below what was your ‘How the feck did I end up here moment?’