Rewriting the Rules of Self Care in Midlife
Because bubble baths don’t cut it when you haven’t pee’d alone in six years.
“Because midlife self-care isn’t always candles and calm. It’s untangling your feet while pretending this counts as me time.”
The Day I Realised My ‘Self-Care’ Was Just Working in Comfy Clothes.
I’ll never forget the moment it all hit me. I was standing in my headteacher’s office, buried under a 65-hour working week, surviving on caffeine and chocolate biscuits, to-do lists, and sheer stubbornness. My mind was already spiralling through the 48 things I still had to cut, laminate, and cut again before the big borough observation. Somewhere in my frazzled fog, my headteacher must have clocked the burnout brewing, because she suddenly asked, “Diane, what do you do for fun?”
After a awkward pause, a huff, and a confused expression, I finally mumbled, “I guess…I like reading?” She smiled. “What are your reading right now?” I hesitated, then admitted, “Early Years Best Practice.” She gave me that look; the kind that says, “Bless you, but that’s not what I meant. And that’s when it hit me like a rogue glitter explosion: I was my job. I didn’t just live and breathe work. I laminated it. Eat. Sleep. Prep. Repeat. I kid you not, I even brushed my teeth at work. And somewhere along the way, I had confused productivity with self-care.
That question, simple, well meaning, shook my foundations. It was the moment I started questioning everything I thought I knew about taking care of myself.
Burnout doesn’t always come with alarms: it sometimes looks like quiet exhaustion and a dash of claiming residency at your place of work.
Self-Care Isn’t a Luxury Brand: It’s saying yes, without waiting for a permission slip.
Somewhere along the way, self-care got a full-blown glow up. It went from “the basics that kept you functioning” to “a luxury experience available exclusively to those with child-free weekends, spa vouchers, and a disposable income.”
Bubble baths, scented candles, and silent retreats started trending, while the simplest act of sitting down with a hot cup of coffee before it goes cold somehow fell off the radar. And let’s be honest…if you’re in the thick of midlife chaos, even peeing alone feels indulgent. But what about the midlife women quietly coming undone behind a smile, who can’t even think straight long enough to light a candle, let alone manifest wellness? Here’s the thing: self-care in this chapter of life isn’t a luxury. It’s life support. And most of us? We’re gasping for air.
Let’s drop the Pinterest-worthy perfection. Real self-care often looks like:
Saying no even when it makes you feel guilty
Locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes of silence
Ignoring the dishes to text a friend back
Letting your kid have extra screen time so you can finish off the pack of chocolate biscuits stashed in the back of the cupboard.
It’s not always “productive.” It’s not always Instagrammable. But it’s essential!
The Emotional Cost of Being ‘Fine’
We’ve been trained to carry it all: the schedules, the meltdowns, the meals, the emotional fallout of everyone we love. And when we finally collapse in a heap of tears and cold coffee, we whisper: "I’m just tired." But it’s not just tiredness. It’s emotional depletion, decision fatigue, and constant hypervigilance wrapped in a neat midlife bow.
Real Talk: 5 Tiny But Mighty: Reclaiming Self-Care Moments
Rewriting the rules starts with permission to take micro-moments of care seriously.
Try this:
Drink a glass of water before your second coffee
Delete one app that drains your soul
Say out loud, “I matter too”
Let someone help you without explaining why you need help
If downtime includes scrolling, search for ‘baby laughter’ reels on Instagram (guaranteed to make you smile)
Final Thoughts:
You’re allowed to build a self-care routine just for yourself. You’re are allowed bad days, good days and everything in-between days. You’re allowed to reclaim time and space for you as a person, aside from being a mum, partner, wife, and employee. You’re allowed to have hobbies, interests, and time out just for you. Remember lots of littles make a lot. So, start today! It’s not about transformation. It’s about survival with softness. Feel like your brain has too many tabs open? You’re not alone. I have made a FREE “Midlife Self-Care Reset” Checklist. Want the checklist?
12 Guilt Free Habits You can ACTUALLY Stick To! Get your FREE Midlife Madness Self Care Reset Checklist when you subscribe below:
It’s raw, it’s hilarious, and it’s for every woman who’s ever yelled “I NEED A MINUTE” and meant it. Just pop your name and email in the box and I’ll send it straight to your inbox (no perfection required).
Midlife self-care isn’t selfish: it’s strategic. If you’re nodding along thinking “this is me,” share this post with a friend who needs the reminder too.
Love,
Diane x
PS: Still figuring it out, still winging it, still slightly traumatised from six years of broken sleep. My GP’s response? Wait for the paediatrician. Guess what? We are still waiting for said ‘paediatrician’. But hey, we’re doing our best! And that’s enough for me.
If this post resonated with you. If you’ve ever felt like you stumbled into motherhood without a map, and you’d like to support more honest writing like this, you can always buy me a coffee. It’s a small gesture that means a lot, and it helps keep the words (and laptop upgrade) flowing. Thank you for being here.